The Olympic (Backyard) Games

China is scrambling to finish preparations for the onslaught of world athletes that will descend upon Beijing next month.

Just a few minor details, really; locking up rogue dissidents, putting Tienanmen's tanks in the garage and extending factory workers shifts to twenty hours (from nineteen) in the plant that fabricates minature USA flags.

NBC will broadcast the events and they have been airing several promotions that are clearly intended to tug at our star spangled heart strings.

NBC's ads are not so subtly targeted as an appeal to our nations war weary conscience. One promo shows a montage of past Olympic triumphs, and joyous victories being celebrated with a group hug by athletes from all countries. We see an Iranian athlete hugging an Olympian from the United States, shown in slow motion for bonus dramatic appeal. John Lennon's Utopian anthem, Imagine, plays us through the entire commercial.

Touching.

If you haven't seen this commercial yet, simply turn on NBC and wait for all of about five minutes.

It's worth noting that after the Olympics conclude, we're likely to see this very same commercial in a cleverly edited Republican National Committee spot. A little photo-shop cut'n paste will show Barack Obama hugging Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Sean Hannity will report this scoop on Hannity and Colmes, Hannity's America, Hannity! or Hannity and Hannity.

The Olympics are the one mega sporting event that allow full-time dreamers like me the delusional audacity to think that, with a little intestinal fortitude and a few minutes on the dreadmill each morning, I too could be an Olympic athlete.

C'mon, admit it. You've had the same thoughts as well, haven't you?

A partial list of sports that Olympians will be competing in Beijing include Archery, Badminton, Road Cycling (riding a bike), Table Tennis (referred to in China and my basement as Ping Pong) and, my personal favorite, trampoline.

Yes, trampoline.

I'll be attending a 4th of July barbeque this weekend and we'll be playing Badminton. I'm gonna bear down and really, really focus. The 2012 Summer Olympics are in New York.

I'll be ready.