What A Doll

One of the first life lessons Mom instilled in me, when I was a wee-little Davey Jones mop-top, was that I shouldn't pass judgement on people until I had a chance to get to know them. You know, the basic "don't judge a book by its cover" rap.

But what if the cover is so hauntingly disturbing that I simply can't open the book?

America, meet Cindy McCain.

Cindy Lou Hensley McCain, aspiring First Lady of the United States of America, drug addict (recovering), absent minded bookeeper (still looking for those misplaced Charles Keating private jet receipts?) and heir to a whole lotta beer money. She now goes by simply Cindy McCain, which is probably a smart move politically. Lou Hensley sounds like the name of a guy that would sell me a purple car at night and assure me it was navy blue.

Cindy Lou who?

There is a certain Stepford creepiness about Cindy McCain. Her egregious addiction to eyeliner and heavily spackled makeup appear to render her face inanimate. Or, more likely, she just needs her batteries changed.

If you look real closely at her forehead, there very well may be an inscription that reads, manufactured using 10% post-consumer recycled plastic.

It's as if Ken and Barbie had a special child and they named her Cindy. Mattel, feel free to take that idea and run with it.

Cindy met John McCain at a military social event in 1979 in Hawaii, while McCain was visiting on a work assignment as a U.S. Navy liaison officer. McCain's wife at the time, Carol, didn't attend that event.

John McCain, war hero, patriot, political maverick and adulterous philanderer (the liberal media leaves out that last attribute), began dating Cindy shortly after their initial meeting, spawning a long distance romance between McCain's Washington D.C. home and Cindy's native Arizona.

John and Carol McCain divorced in April of 1980. One month later, John and Cindy McCain were married at the Arizona Biltmore Resort in Phoenix.

Not quite the JFK meets Jackie O type of fairy tale model that we'd like to see in our first couples, I know.

More like, John and The Real Doll. Coming to a campaign stop near you.

Now that's straight talk, folks.