Fischer Chronicles His Vice President Picks

Handicapping the field for VP picks for both parties has run the gamut of speculation in the media, so it's high time that Max (that's me referring to myself in the third person) weighs in with his picks.

The Fischer call for the 'pubs is Florida Governor, Charlie Crist. Senator John McCain desperately needs to win the Florida electoral vote and Crist is an extremely popular political figure in that state. In addition, the high Jewish electorate in Florida may turn out in huge favor of McCain, since Senator Obama has been portrayed in the conservative media as a Palestinian sympathizer, based on Obama's comments that he would hold discussions with both Israel and the Palestinians if he were elected President.

The wild card for McCain will be former Massachusetts Governor, Mitt Romney. Look for Romney to be the pick if McCain runs short of cash. Romney has the ability to raise funds quickly through his Mormon followers and is considered strong on economic issues.

One indication that Romney may get the nod will be to keep an eye out for young, blond men on bicycles riding through your neighborhood a little more aggressively than usual.

Then we have the turbo wild card of Arkansas Governor, Mike Huckabee. Choosing the ah-shucks-golly-gee Huckabee would signify nothing more than a woeful pandering of the ever shrinking - albeit loud - religious right, formerly known as the Republican "base".

The Dems' choice is a bit tougher to call, however I feel fairly confident that Senator Obama will call on Virginia Governor, Tim Kaine. Kaine is a moderate Democrat that has established himself as an executive level leader in a state that has continued to show increased Democrat leanings during the past few election cycles. With his "high and tight" crew cut, however, reminiscent of the loathsome high school gym teacher that would make you run the mile during an asthma attack, Kaine may need to soften his look to appeal to a broader base. If so, he can always consult John Edwards.

The Obama wild card could be Delaware Senator, Joe Biden. Biden has been a perennial Presidential candidate since 1988 and comes with experience and clout as a long time leader in Senate foreign relations. Unfortunately, Biden has never met a camera he hasn't looked into or a microphone he hasn't made sweet love to. He's so full of verbose hot air that he makes John Kerry look introverted by comparison. In addition, choosing Biden would bog down the campaign on a daily basis, as the opposition would scrutinize his Senate voting record dating back nearly three decades.

And now we get to the gazillion pound elephant, Senator Hillary Clinton. This "unity" ticket is nothing more than a MoveOnDotOrg bumper sticker. I just can't see it happening.

Get ready, get set.

We're in the home stretch, folks.