Juno, Alaska

Alaska Governor and Republican Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin announced today that her 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is pregnant.

“Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned,” Sarah Palin said. “As Bristol faces the responsibilities of adulthood, she knows that she has our unconditional love and support.”

It's great to hear that this family is unified during this challenging time for young Bristol.

Unified after Bristol made her choice.

Daily Perspective; Political Approval Rating Polls

There has been copious hi-def chatter from political talking point puppets since Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was named Senator John McCain's Vice Presidential running mate.

One common refrain the McCain camp is singing is to point out that Palin is an executive leader of an American state that has an 80% approval rating from Alaskans.

Political opinion polls are taken as a snapshot of a given moment that the poll was taken and within the context the polls question(s) was framed.

With this in mind, I can't help but think of another politician that boasted high approval ratings.

President George Herbert Walker Bush enjoyed an approval rating of 91% in March of 1991.

Nineteen months later, the voters elected William Jefferson Clinton as the 42nd President of the United States of America.

There will be an approval rating poll taken very soon that will matter a great deal.

It will occur November 4th.

McCain's Veep; Former Wasilla (Alaska) City Council Member

John McCain has selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential running mate.

In the crazy poker game of politics, this move is McCain telling the Democrats that he sees their black guy and raises them the white lady.

Touche.

That rumbling thud you felt this morning was the collective jaws of the American electorate hitting the floor at the same time.

Palin brings impressive credentials to the table, although perhaps more applicable to a solid match.com profile than for Vice President of the United States.

Palin was elected Governor of Alaska in 2006, where 114,697 Alaskans voted for her.

One Hundred Fourteen Thousand Six Hundred Ninety Seven.

That's roughly 20,000 more people than the crowd that gathered in Denver last night to witness Senator Obama accept his parties nomination for President.

One Hundred Fourteen Thousand Six Hundred Ninety Seven.

Sounds like a sellout crowd for an Ohio State University football game.

Before being elected Governor, Palin served as Mayor and on the City Council in Wasilla, Alaska.

Wasilla, Alaska; population 8, 471.

Palin was the runner-up to Miss Alaska in 1984.

Ironically, Palin is also runner-up as the cutest Vice Presidential nominee in American history, behind Dan Quayle.

Curious pick from the aging John McCain, which is clearly a grasp for disenchanted supporters of Senator Hillary Clinton. One thought worth mentioning is that Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden better be very careful in the Veep debate. Biden could easily come off as an indignant bully that is picking on the beauty queen (runner-up).

Of course Joe Biden, indignant and bully is already considered redundant by about half the electorate.

If McCain is elected, Sarah Palin, Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska just three years ago, will be a heartbeat away from Commander In Chief to the oldest President our nation has ever elected.

Gulp.

Cha-Cha-Changin', Turn And Face The Strange

Whore Alert

No Child Left With Mind

Eight years after President Bush introduced the bumper sticker No Child Left Behind, the results are in regarding the aptitude of our nations high school graduates.

And it doesn't look pretty.

The Bush federal educational mandate was funded less than 20% of what the President had promised during the course of the 2000 campaign, and the waiting and seeing has now ended after the SAT reported their latest test findings yesterday.

Our high school students are the dumbest they've been in a decade, in all subject matters. SAT test scores, on average, are the lowest since 1998.

They don't read so good.

They ain't got no comprehension.

Two plus two equals, er, what was the question again?

It's time to put a little trust back into the creative autonomy of our public school teachers and release the metrics driven curriculum requirements that are sent from the big Principal in Washington.

Otherwise our children will grow up to butcher the English language and fragment their syntax.

Just like our President does.

Daily Irony, Courtesy Of Nancy Pelosi

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi rallied the Democrazies with her energetic rhetoric during day one of the DNC in Denver.

During her speech, Madame Speaker enthusiastically proclaimed the following;

We're the change that we've been waiting for.

Huh?

I'm beginning to think that irony is completely lost in politics.

Hesperide Of My Youth, Lake Harriet

I'm home after a quick twenty-four hour trip to Minneapolis, where I delivered Fischer Junior to his mom after spending the past few weeks together in Phoenix.

Before heading to the airport on Saturday for my return flight home, I managed to walk the three miles around Lake Harriet in Southwest Minneapolis, a geographic touchstone for me that is located adjacent to the neighborhood I was raised. As the picture indicates, it was a perfect day for a walk.

Lake Harriet brings Longfellow to mind, and his riveting poem of introspection, My Lost Youth;

There are things of which I may not speak;

There are dreams that cannot die;

There are thoughts that make the strong heart weak,

And bring a pallor into the cheek,

And a mist before the eye.

And the words of that fatal song

Come over me like a chill:

"A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

Joe Biden

Well, so much for change.

Say hello to Joe Biden.

And when you do, be prepared to settle in for a long dissertation from the verbose senior Senator from Delaware.

Senator Barack Obama's selection of the grizzled Washington insider and old white guy has left many party loyalists scratching their heads.

In the near term Biden will be a tough political strategy sell. However, if Obama is elected I can't think of anybody else more qualified for the job that Obama could have selected.

Except for, according to nearly a third of Democrats, Senator Hillary Clinton.

Obama needs to quickly make amends with Clinton supporters if he has any chance of winning in November.

BULLETIN: John McCain's Housing Inventory

After a nearly week long inventory search, Senator John McCain now confirms that he owns ten homes.

They are all deeded solely to his wife, Cindy.

Now that's a pretty sweet sugar momma.

Nothing To Hagel About; Obama's Veep Options

Senator Barack Obama's smile, charisma and verbose rhetoric appear to be wearing thin on an electorate that is anxious for the first Tuesday in November to arrive, so we can finally place this Presidential campaign in our nations rear view.

Obama needs a quick boost and he's hoping for one within the next couple days by announcing his selection for Vice Presidential running mate.

There has been recent media buzz that Delaware Senator Joe Biden will get the call, based on his veteran tenure in leading the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

Choosing Biden would be an overt acknowledgement by Obama that he is unqualified for the job of Commander in Chief in the area of National Security. Also, Biden was a vocal critic of Obama in his own primary run for President, suggesting that Obama's inexperience would render the Presidency as an on-the-job training endeavor.

To make matters worse, Biden punctuated his point on a couple of occasions by insinuating that John McCain would be a better alternative than Barack Obama.

The best choice is former Nebraska Senator and Republican, Chuck Hagel. Hagel will bring a centered presence to a far left candidate and campaign. In addition, Hagel served in several Senate capacities relevent to the economy, which remains the voters number one concern.

Also, let's not forget that former Democrat (now an Independent) and 2000 Vice Presidential candidate Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman has been in Senator McCain's hip pocket during the campaign, and is rumored to be near the top of McCain's V.P. short list. Obama's selection of Hagel would be a preemptive move that would trump McCain's strategy in courting Independent voters.

The way I see it, the best chance Obama has to win is to select Chuck Hagel as his Veep.

We'll know soon enough.

Edit, Copy, Paste

Pop Tart On Estrogen

Lady Madonna of Detroit turns a half century vintage today, as she increasingly displays overt symptoms of Cher Syndrome.

Time to hang up the Fembot brazier and retire the fishnets, lest the hail damage be revealed. You don't want to be remembered as a hot mess.

Happy 50th Birthday, Divalicious.

Fierce.

The Passing Of An Olympic Torch

While global praise continues to be heaped upon the mighty serpent of Lake Phelps, let's all tip our aquatic goggles to Mark Spitz.

Until Phelps blew away China, Spitz had been recognized for the past thirty-six years as the greatest Olympian of all time, after earning seven swimming gold medals during the 1972 Munich games.

Spitz is a total dude, and I suggest that we'll never really know which of these fish was better in their prime.

Consider this fact; uniformed as Aquaman, Phelps didn't have to compete wearing a banana hammock and a soggy mustache.

Soul From The Souless

Given the recent events surrounding Russia's miltary invasion of Georgia, my mind wandered back to when President Bush and high ranking members of his cabinet first met with Russian President, Vladimar Putin.

After the meeting, our President expressed his confidence and trust in his new BFF, Putin. "I looked into Putin's eyes and saw his soul", Bush said.

Colin Powell had a different take. "Mr. President, I looked into President Putin's eyes and saw the KGB".

Score one for Powell.

Truthiness takes another blow.

Daily Irony; McCain On Russia Invading Georgia

Poor John McCain, the guy just can't catch a break.

In yet another foreign policy campaign hiccup, McCain held a press conference to comment on the Russian invasion of Georgia. During his opening statement McCain, completely void of short term memory, said that "in the 21st century, nations don't invade other nations".

We pause as we insert this moment of awkward silence, a wiggle in our collective chairs and, finally, we'll come up for air.

Resume reading.

The United States currently occupies two countries after invading them both. The suggestion by a US Presidential candidate that this is unacceptable for the rest of the world is arrogant and beyond absurd.

Choose your game and play it, Senator. You can't change the rules at halftime, or cry foul if the other guy employs your same strategery.

Our electorate should have dire concern over McCain's alleged strength of foreign policy. He's already demonstrated he can't discern Sunni's from Shiite's, and he strategically commented on securing the "border" of Iraq and Pakistan as part of his war plan.

The problem is that the "border" between Iraq and Pakistan is a big one.

It's a country called Iran.

This war plan might take more than your previously stated 100 years, Johnny Boy.

Bathroom Reading; Place Directly In Toilet

The man that scribed the Swift Boat rag that precipitated the downward spiral of Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry four years ago is back again with fresh rubbish.

Not to let facts stand in the way of a good story, Jerome Corsi has unleashed a new book titled, The Obama Nation. In it, Corsi lazily lobs a montage of lies, distortions and all together gross kookiness that reads like a medley of laughable, uber right wing chain emails that I end up fact checking at Snopes on a near daily basis.

The books title is clearly an attempt to be a play on words, when in fact it's so sloppy and void of even the most remedial facts that we can simply turn irony upside down and throw it right back at Corsi.

Corsi, the man, is the abomination.

Thankfully, Senator Obama is not going to stand by and ignore the bully like John Kerry did in 2004. He's fighting back.

Obama released a forty-page, point specific rebuttal to Corsi's book earlier today. Early returns indicate that Obama has all of his references and footnotes in place to quell this distraction and render it a one day headline.

In addition, the Obama campaign cleverly and quietly established an aggressive offensive against these baseless attacks several months ago, and chronicles them on the web.

http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/fightthesmearshome

This tired political charade of tearing down the messenger while avoiding the message is disturbing beyond measure.

Shame all around, for Corsi and gullible readers alike.

Mighty Serpent Spotted In Beijing

I'm in pure awe of Michael Phelps. The guy swims in an almost mythical Loch Ness fashion that makes his competition look like kiddy pool also-rans.

As of today, Phelps is wearing a heavy weight of five gold medals. If - when, actually - he runs the table he'll snag eight gold medals (out of a possible eight) in Beijing and break the record for most gold in one Olympiad, besting USA swimmer Mark Spitz's seven golds during the Munich games of 1972.

The Phelps story comes with no real surprise and is all unfolding about as predictably as the plot to a Nickelodeon movie.

With this in mind, full shame and scorn should be thrown at the US Olympic delegation and NBC Sports for failing to extend an all expense paid trip for Spitz to travel to Beijing to witness Phelps break his record.

With the many emotional images these Olympics are bringing, as well as the pictures that will continue to emerge until the closing ceremonies, we'll all miss out on the poignant occurrence of the greatest former Olympic medalist acknowledging the new one.

With dignity.

Perhaps NBC Sports will find some dignity of their own and rally to get Spitz to Beijing before the Olympics conclude.

That would be pure gold.

Spirited Enthusiasm Of Youth

Oscar Wilde once famously pined that it was such a pity how "youth was wasted on the young", a bit of whimsical commentary of how free-spirited youth frequently gets bogged down with poor decision making and tedious drama.

This is why one of my favorite blogs is from a young lady that lives in the north San Diego area beach town of Carlsbad, California.

Her name is Bartley; a woman that appears to have an extremely purpose driven drive with each new day, Which is something that I imagine Wilde would take notice of, as she is the absolute antithesis of what Wilde lamented in his take on youth.

Recently Bartley's travels placed her back in her roots of Minneapolis, where she ran into pop music icon Sheryl Crow (pictured here, along with Bartley's friend Sarah), in a South Minneapolis antique store. Bartley's smile is infectious and constant, as if it were painted on her face.

Bartley writes one of my favorite blogs, which is a tightly scribed chronicle of her travels and love of life, family and faith.

http://bartleyfit.blogspot.com/

For me, Bartley's blog offers a gentle reminder to stop and smell the roses every day.

Olympic Cheerleader In Chief

President Bush is in Beijing for the Olympics, a commanding presence not so much as our Commander In Chief as much as an enthusiastic mascot.

The only flare missing on our President was the over sized styrofoam hand that signaled we're number one.

Bob Costas interviewed President Bush on NBC, where they discussed several topics. All in all, a very solid exchange.

http://www.prnewschannel.com/absolutenm/templates/?a=749&z=4

Irony did leap through my television, however, when President Bush discussed his feelings about Russia invading Georgia with military force last week.

"There needs to be international mediation", Bush said about the conflict.

I agree.

Sage wisdom from the President that comes five years late.

Edwards Saga; Insert Predictable Outcome Here

No shocker that we'll likely not soon know whether former South Carolina Senator John Edwards is a "Two America's" Baby Daddy.

Edwards mistress since 2006, Rielle Hunter, said that she will not comply with any requests that her baby daughter submit DNA samples to determine if Edwards is the pappy.

Anybody with common sense higher than a desert cactus should have predicted this choreographed chain of events after Edwards told ABC News that we welcomed the prospect of a paternity test.

Of course he did. Because all along he knew that Hunter would not participate.

One more thing.

Can we please stop referring to Hunter as Edwards' mistress from 2006?

Based on the fact that Edwards was in Hunter's Beverly Hills hotel from 10:00PM until 2:00AM one night last month, it's clear that the discretion continued well beyond 2006.

Edwards, with a full self-assured and disgustingly amazing confidence of a trial lawyer, dismissed Hunter as simply a "liaison".

A liaison is a one night stand.

Edwards also attempts to minimize this entire unsavory odyssey by reminding the public that his affair with Hunter began while his wife, Elizabeth, was in remission of her terminal cancer.

I guess it takes a magnanimous man to postone infedelity until his wifes cancer prognosis improves?

Insert chunky vomit here.

In a political universe that tramples on personal integrity in more dramatic measure at every new calendar turn, John Edwards is - to me at least - the most egregious example of bottom-of-the-barrel political scum.

I imagine that Edwards supporters, both present and past, had to take an extra long shower after hearing his confession.

I took two.

And I still feel dirty.

Happy Birthday To An Old Friend

As many of you are aware, I've accomplished much in the few years I've been meandering the halls of Rushmore. My proudest honors are saving Latin, founding the Rushmore Bee Keepers and Fencing clubs, and being President of the Rushmore Kite Flying Association.

I couldn't have done it all without the help of one old boy, pictured here. And today is his birthday, a vintage that has now reached 42 years.

He looks amazing.

One completely undocumented fact about the hit play I wrote at Rushmore, Serpico, is that the old boy agreed to working a final edit of the script and he is the one responsible for writing the following dramatic line of ultimate resolution for our fabled protagonist;

"Oh, and one more thing. You were wrong about Enrique Sanchez. He died in his sleep".

Still brings goosebumps ten years later.

Happy birthday, old boy.

Jet Favre

In what should be considered the most boneheaded public relations disaster in recent memory, the Green Bay Packers denied Brett Favre the opportunity to compete for the teams starting quarterback position this season, choosing instead to trade Favre to the New York Jets.

All the Packers had to do was quietly open the training camp gates for Favre and let him run the second team, while Favre quarterback heir Aaron Rodgers lead the first squad.

In the football land of vast cliches, the Packers could have then let the chips fall as they may. If Favre fell flat on his old bones and hefty ego, then he would've either gone back into retirement or stayed on as backup.

Or, Favre may have lit it up during the preseason and earned his starting job back for another season.

I imagine that either of these scenarios would have resonated just fine with the most important element of this equation, football cheeseheads of Wisconsin.

Packers fans have been robbed.

Logic defies every measure of Packers front office decision making during the entire Favre drama.

Favre will wear green this season.

To the chagrin of many Green Bay football faithful, the gold that compliments Packers green has been tarnished.

Francisco; That's Fun To Say

My Minnesota Twins are gearing up for another pennant run, quietly orchestrating a couple of key trading deadline moves that have slid under the baseball radar in stealth fashion.

Twins hurler Francisco Liriano was called up from the Rochester farm team and Minnesota added Outfielder Denard Span.

Statistically speaking, both moves appear to be another mid season wave of the annual Minnesota low baseball budget magic wand.

The small market mastery of Twins player personnel and front office management has to rival the best in all of sports.

After all, you can't spell Twins baseball without win baseball.

Go Twins.

Having A Baby? Get The Knife Ready

The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ) has published their findings in the alarming trend of increased C-Section births being performed in hospitals.

Nearly one third (33%) of babies delivered in United States hospitals now arrive by ways of C-Section, a 38% increase since 1995.

I recently read an article from the American Medical Association (AMA) that was critical of Natural Childbirth procedures, in both controlled birthing center births and at-home deliveries.

It's apparent that the AMA is suffering from misplaced frustration.

While C-Sections are a medical necessity in many instances, the rapid rise in these procedures is due to the insurance industries stronghold on hospitals. The result is that childbirth has now been rendered a surgical procedure.

Get the mother in, pump them with pharmaceuticals, scream like all get out to push, clamp forceps to extract that baby out as fast as they can, and quickly show mom and baby the door to get them home.

Makes you wonder why you'd leave home in the first place.

Presidential Race Polls Tighten

"Oh Big Daddy, Please Love Me"

Daily Irony Of Olympic Proportions

The Olympic medals that athletes will be competing for in Beijing are all made in China.

I wonder what odds makers have the over-under placed for how many years it will take for first reports of "mysterious" lead poisoning from medal winning athletes competing in this years Olympiad.

Sweet Sounds Of A National Treasure

Tonight I hit the downtown Minneapolis warehouse bar scene with a gaggle of friends that gathered for a twenty year reunion of the House with Orange Curtains (referred to in the annals of sentimentality as La Chambre avec les rideaux Oranges) and Thomas Wolfe was correct.

You can never go home again.

Boy how the 'hood has changed. We hit Runyon's Bar on Washington, a late 80's hot spot that has now been reduced to a staging ground for working ladies and pimp daddies.

The chicken wings remain lights out spectacular though. We'll order them for take away in the future.

One staple that remains intact is at Nye's Polonaise Room, tucked away neatly across the Mississippi River from downtown in Northeast Minneapolis. There you will still find the sweet, sultry sounds of a synthesized aided piano that has been played for nearly 40-years by the ever lovely Lou.

"Sweet" Lou Snider tickles the ivory each night at Nye's for bar patrons to croon and sing along.

Lou must be the reason that Esquire Magazine named Nye's as their "Best Bar in America" for 2006.

Cracklin' Rosie, get on board for Minneapolis, set all inhibitions aside and sing along.

Sweet Lou, always and forever.

Luck be a lady tonight.

Top Ten Flip-Flops From John McCain

Now that the conservative media is barfing their claims of issue reversals - or "flip-flops" - from Senator Obama, I find it an appropriate time to offer comparative perspective by sharing a few examples of flip-flopping from Senator John McCain.

While I had nearly fifty solid choices to choose from, I narrowed down them down to offer my top ten most glaring;

1. Immigration
2. Abortion
3. Gay Marriage (legal Civil Unions)
4. Military action ("nation building") against rogue states
5. Negotiating with Kim Jong Il and Fidel Catsro
6. Negotiating with terrorists (acceptable with Colin Powell in 2002 meetings with Syria)
7. Estate tax
8. Privatizing Social Security
9. Offshore drilling
10. Recognition of Confederate Flag

The simple fact is that politicians from both parties change their minds on plenty of issues with significant frequency.

The sad thing about these cognitive reversals is that, as much as we'd like to believe these changes of heart are predicated on some higher level of intellectual realization, common reasoning tells us it's all just a run-on game of pandering to focus group polls.