Three More Weeks

Just twenty-one days left in the Bush era of big government spending run amok. While our current President continues his pathetic image making, "here's how history will judge me" rhetorical publicity tour, the results are in.

Hope is all many Americans have left, and change is what they cling to.

Conservative bloggers will continue to mock the idea of hope and change. Ironically, it's a rare departure from the typical Republican strategy of ignoring the message while tearing down the messenger. Where President-elect Obama is concerned, it's marginalize the message while saying that they're going to give our new President "a chance". Hogwash.

Republicans need to retool their branding in a big way. The party is broken.

Notable Quotable: I'm Too Verbose

"The writer must write what he has to say. Not speak it."

-Ernest Hemingway

A Baby Named After A Hockey Stick

High school dropout Bristol Palin, the 18-year-old daughter of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has given birth to a baby boy.

Tripp Easton Mitchell weighs in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces, or about as heavy as a sack of hockey pucks.

The father, Levi Johnston, also a high school dropout, was a star hockey player at Wasilla High School. A sucker for nostalgia, Johnston and Palin forever saddled baby Tripp with the middle name Easton.

Easton is the brand of hockey stick that Johnston wielded at Wasilla.

Seriously.

I mean, seriously?

Yes, seriously.

My Own Private Glitter War

I'm back in the home saddle after our three day Christmas juggernaut in Flagstaff. In my nearly nightly fit of wee hour insomnia, I decided to tear through a weeks worth of mail.

Amid the mounds of bills, solicitations and a plurality of J. Crew catalogs (three days garnered three catalogs), I noticed a few tardy Christmas cards with the Fischer family name on it.

Being a sorta gimme the good news first kinda guy, I chose to open the cards first. There's something magical about an envelope that's been addressed with handwritten scribe. Orderly cursive yields bonus sentiment.

As I opened the first card, my early morning serenity took a decidedly ugly turn. The card was filled with the most egregiously excessive amount of silver glitter, which all came spilling out of the envelope and on to my lap, desk, office chair and the carpet below.

Admittedly, I reacted in an entirely immature and overly dramatic way, complete with deep sighs and under my breath cussing, careful not to wake baby Fischer. Worse yet, as I looked at the return address to identify the glitter perpetrator, I noticed that it came from the most ancillary of peripheral associates.

How is it that the parents of Mrs. Fischer's college friend has us on their mailing list? Heck, if they're sending Christmas cards to us, than there must be, like, thousands of others that received a similar glitter ambush.

Please gang, enough with the glitter.

While I Was Dreaming Of A White Christmas

Here's a picture that illustrates my white Christmas in Flagstaff. The day this was taken, an afternoon sledding adventure with the Fischer gaggle yielded waist deep drifts and more driving snow. It was awesome. Real Man Vs. Wild type of elements.

Hard to believe that rounds of golf were being played just ninety minutes south in Scottsdale.

Retail Takes A Christmas Drubbing

The numbers are in and it looks ugly for retail. The holiday spending rake this year was a steep 8% decline from last season.

That's a ton of Chinese manufactured goods that is collecting dust on shelves. Let's now brace ourselves as the worldwide recession finally hits China.

Under any sane model of Capitalism, this retail slump would be nothing but a hiccup. However, since our economy is predicated solely (pretty much) on consumption, this is downright crippling.

Maybe we can now work to get back to the business of exporting technology, tangible products and consumer services again.

Merry Christmas

The Fischer family is hunkered down in Flagstaff, where an active blizzard is adding to the nearly 40-inches of fresh snowfall during the past week. It's beautiful.

I watched a few minutes of It's A Wonderful Life late last night. I'm a sucker for its sentiment, although I had to laugh a bit during the part of George Bailey's gratitude laced, hollering at the wind diatribe while running down Main Street of Bedford Falls. He staggers through the snow, greeting a series of inanimate objects before barfing a dramatic, "Merry Christmas, you old Building and Loan".

This year, not even George Bailey could bring it upon himself to wish the bank a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Daily Irony; White House Christmas Message

President Bush issued his annual Christmas greeting yesterday.

---------------------------------------------------------------

THE WHITE HOUSE

Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release December 23, 2008
Christmas 2008

"'I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Luke 2:10-12

"Each year, Christmas brings together families, friends, and communities to rejoice in the birth of Jesus Christ and celebrate the wonderful gifts God has bestowed upon us. During this season, we remember Jesus' birth from the Virgin Mary, His justice and mercy that changed the world, and His ultimate sacrifice for all people. Though Jesus was born humbly in a manger, He was destined to be the Savior of the world. The light He brought into the world continues to break through darkness and change people's lives two thousand years later."

---------------------------------------------------------------

For a guy that knows so much about Jesus and is so well versed in scripture, he sure has made some suspect moves as President, contrary to doing what Jesus would do. Maybe this is why the President acknowledged during a Fox News interview a few days ago that he "...didn't compromise his soul to be a popular guy".

Based on approval ratings, the President his highly unpopular.

Even to Jesus.

Franken Maintains Slim Lead In Minnesota

If there are any voters that continue to question whether their vote can actually make a difference, look no farther than the US Senate recount in Minnesota for the answer.

Democrat Al Franken holds a 46 vote lead over incumbent Republican Norm Coleman. The recount is finished and the state elections canvassing board have reviewed challenged ballots by both sides. All that remains is the courts to rule on a few thousand rejected absentee ballots to determine if they'll be tallied.

Over 3-million votes were cast in Minnesota for this race. And it all comes down to 46 votes.

46 votes!

This one is a long way from over though. Both camps are adequately lawyer'd up and at the ready to challenge an unpleasant outcome in the courts. Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty may be summoned to appoint an interim US Senator if this mess isn't cleaned up anytime soon.

An ironic pick would be Dean Barkley. Barkley is the Independent candidate that finished third in the senate election to Franken and Coleman. He's also a former United States Senator, serving a six week term, by appointment of former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura, following the death of Minnesota US Senator Paul Wellstone in 2002.

Still Life Life With Recession

I was at the Biltmore earlier today to finish up my Christmas shopping, a few final tidings of yuletide detail that would finally put a lid on the magical season of spending.

While at Banana Republic, I noticed an absolute mac-daddy pair of black penny loafers that were originally priced at $139.95, on sale for $39.95. Seeing as these were a bit more of a want than a need - after all, I had shoes on my feet at the time - I decided to, for the first time in my life, barter for an item at a retail store.

With very little effort, I negotiated a purchase price of $20.00 for the shoes.

Then paralysis by analysis kicked in and I thought of the Christmas budget, sacrificing impulse buys and curbing discretionary spending.

I set the shoes on the counter and left the store.

While walking away, it occurred to me that this experience is only one small metaphor in the state of our economy.

The shoes? No regrets.

I think they were made in China.

Douchebag Of The Year Award For 2008

In a heady field of contenders, Sean Hanninsanity has emerged as the inaugural winner of the Musings Douchebag of the Year award.

Hanninsanity won for his perfect storm of fabrications, conjecture, hyperbole and dramatic use of the question mark, all in a desperate chase of the rigid and broken conservative agenda of the values crowd.

In the end, Hanninsanity was really only yelling at himself (and Alan Colmes, a finalist for Pussy of the Year), as Democrats swept the electorate in dramatic measure.

An End To The War On Science

President-elect Obama announced his science and technology team today, while managing to take a less than subtle, passive-aggressive jab at President Bush.

During his weekly YouTube video address, Obama introduced Harvard University environmentalist John P. Holdren as Science Advisor to the office of the President.

Obama pledged to ensure that “facts and evidence are never (again) twisted or obscured by politics or ideology.”

It's nice to again have a President that believes in the possibility that the earth is more than 2008 years old, or that dinosaurs weren't just horses that Jesus rode on.

Quite honestly, I hadn't heard of Holdren before todays announcement. My guess is, however, that his science and technological input regarding energy policy will far transcend "drill baby drill".

This quiet and seemingly innocuous announcement sends a broader message.

And I like it.

Bush Finally Right About Something

President Bush was recently interviewed by Fox News, a cushy venue that offered a comfortable pulpit to wax introspection and varying truthiness.

The President was complicit.

"I didn't compromise my soul to be a popular guy."

How very true. He did compromise his soul and he's not a popular guy (27% approval), cruising nearly alone on a slowly sinking ship.

Mission accomplished.

Obama Chooses Reverend Warren

Gay leaders are acting all diva on President-elect Obama over his choice of Reverend Rick Warren to preside over his invocation at the upcoming Presidential inauguration.

Warren is Senior Pastor at Saddleback Church in Southern California, which is somewhat ironic because isn't saddleback a term used to call a certain gay sexual position? If it is, it comes with absolutely no solace for the President of Human Rights Campaign, Joe Solomonese.

In a terse letter fired off to Obama, Solomonese stated that, "your invitation to Reverend Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at your inauguration is a genuine blow to LGBT Americans. We feel a deep level of disrespect when one of architects and promoters of an anti-gay agenda is given the prominence and the pulpit of your historic nomination.”

Warren opposes abortion rights, however has taken more liberal stances on the government role in fighting poverty, and backed away from other evangelicals’ staunch support for economic conservatism. It’s his support for the California constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, however, that drew the most heated criticism from far left Democrats Wednesday.

My suggestion remains that we, as a constitutionally secular nation, get out of the government sanctioned marriage business altogether, and allow any two people to enter into a civil union. The newly unified couple would then have an option to have their civil union be blessed as a marriage in the church of their choosing.

Marriage is a religious privilege that's granted by a church body.

Civil Unions are just plain simple civil rights.

Blago Still In Charge

The Illinois Supreme Court doesn't want to hear about any expedited plans to remove Governor Rod from office. This is an ominous roadblock to any swift impeachment plans for the Illinois state house.

This is all so commonplace for Illinois though. While they shrug it off, the rest of us are up in arms.

We are (up in arms, that is), aren't we?

A Most Ironic Name

I can't think of a better name for a guy that could conjure such an elaborate ruse that bilked 50-billion-dollars from trusting investors, complete with an SEC stamp of approval.

Well done, Bernie Madoff. Pronounced MADE-off.

Of course it is.

It's Just Musings

I've been receiving considerable grief lately for my "delayed" blog posts. Look, gang, I'm just a guy that jots a few thoughts here and there, and somewhere in this process I set some sort of high expectation that I'm an actual journalist that works on a deadline.

A journalist? That hurts.

I'm better than that.

There's a literal meaning in my blog title. This is just musings, really. Random glimmers of conscienceless I write to purge my dome in order to make room for other thoughts.

I'll catch up. I promise.

The Answer Is D: Because It Is A Perfect Film

There is a gritty underbelly of early 1990's Bombay that leaps off the screen in vividly raw clarity in the best movie - by far - I've seen in several years, Slumdog Millionaire.

Buckle up and hold on for a cleverly suspenseful linear narrative that will take you from a cozy game show viewing couch to running from organized crime thugs, all in the name of chasing our own destiny in a valiant search and conquer of true love.

It's movies like this that make me weep for the big studio malaise Hollywood currently endures.

Bravo, Slumdog.

Get A Chin Strap For That Lid

With hair like this, members of PETA may stage their own protest.

Is this Governor Rod or Fonzie's head shot?

North Dakota Politics

Well it turns out that Illinois has some work to do before it can carry the torch as the most politically corrupt state in the union. That dubious distinction goes to North Dakota.

Oh-yah-you-betcha, North Dakota.

A USA Today research study shows that, per capita, North Dakota seethes corruption at the highest level in the land.

Don Morrison, executive director of the non-partisan North Dakota Center for the Public Good, said it may be that North Dakotans are better at rooting out corruption when it occurs.

"Being a sparsely populated state, people know each other," he said with an entirely stright face. "We know our elected officials and so certainly to do what the governor of Illinois did is much more difficult here."

Now that's a smooth political response.

All for the public good, of course.

All The News Fit To Amuse

I love the Onion. I don't even read the articles though, since I get my simple laugh-out-louds from the headlines that are spoon fed to my homepage. Here's a few of my recent favorites.

• Shitload Of Math Due On Monday
• Lie To Cover Surprise Party Sounds More Fun Than The Surprise Party
• Cranberry Juice Industry Hoping 2009 A Big Year Of Urinary Tract Infections

And of course, any Onion headline that begins with Area Man... is funny as hell and usually comes with an ample dose of clever irony.

My all time favorite Onion headline was delivered at the height of the Iraq war.

Donald Rumsfeld Makes Surprise Visit To Wife's Vagina.

Only to find that Dick Cheney got there first.

Illinois Political Malaise

The only aspect of the sordid political charade in Illinois more disturbing than the Governor himself is the absolute cavalier response from the public.

In nearly every cable news "man on the street" interview yesterday, Illinoisans sang a common refrain.

"Oh no, I'm not surprised".

And why should they be surprised? It's become a near right of passage for a sitting Illinois Governor to become swept in scandal. Governor Rod is now the third Governor of the past five in Illinois to face a plurality of felony charges.

This entire episode does indeed reflect poorly on President-elect Obama. No matter the painstakingly copious measures his administration takes to prove otherwise, the unfortunate rule of life is that perception is reality. How sad, for the fact remains that Barack Obama has never, ever been even remotely accused of any crime, much to the chagrin of his detractors.

Illinois is broken.

Forget the car czar, we need federal oversight on the state of Illinois.

One Fugly Governor

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is going the extra mile to remind us that the term corrupt politician is far too often redundant.

Click the headline to this post and read the entire 76-page indictment against the Governor. Pretty unsavory, to say the least.

It's such an alarming paradox that the political arena spawns; I wonder if the world of politics simply attracts unethical people, or if honest and ethical people fall victim to corruption once engulfed in the business of politics.

Either way, the pilfering of the public trust continues in Illinois and cynicism gnaws deeper than ever.

Dial A Cliche - On The Phone With My Boss

I spent nearly an hour makin' out with my bluetooth this morning while discussing business strategy with my boss, Big D. It's an entirely grueling endeavor whenever I talk to him, due to my long ago realization that, without the heady use of business world cliches, the man would be at a complete loss for words.

Big D is a little like Ron Burgundy, only dumber. I swear that he has a teleprompter loaded with cliches that he reads during our bi-weekly updates. It's more than a little evident that the guy is clueless, so he uses a masterful array of cliches to appear knowledgeable, when in fact he's hiding behind the facade of an uninspiring manager.

His favorite cliche is to end every lame point with, "but at the end of the day". In fact, he blew out his "but at the end of the day" quota with about five months left in the year. I propose we give him an award for this at the upcoming holiday party.

This morning he was in a particularly focused cliche zone.

"Look, we need to think outside of the box in this current paradigm shift we're seeing in order to win the business of the low hanging fruit. Let's use the 80/20 rule to identify potential partners that best fit our value proposition in order to create a win-win situation for us and the customer. We need to be aggressive and push the envelope by maximizing leverage through our core strengths because at the end of the day we need to show the client that we're the best in breed that can perform as a change agent that brings value-add to the table. So let's hit the ground running and provide a scalable solution that takes it to the next level in todays highly competitive market place."

As you can clearly ascertain, Big D is a master of saying everything and nothing, all at the same time.

At the end of the day though, I do know one thing.

It's just the end of the day.

And thank God for that.

Notable Quotable; FDR And Our Day Of Infamy

Today is the sixty-seventh anniversary of the Japanese attacks on Pearl Harbor, an act of foreign aggression that catapulted the United States into WWII.

The day after the attacks, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt appealed to Congress for authorization to declare war against Japan. His words resonate today;

"...No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory. I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never endanger us again. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger. With confidence in our armed forces -- with the unbounded determination of our people -- we will gain the inevitable triumph -- so help us God. I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December seventh, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire."

Vanilla Grammy's Announced

Year in and year out the Grammy's are simply a bore. The 2008 nominations were announced the other day and Grammy voters are once again serving up tired bubble gum pop and homogeneous hip-hop.

Lil' Wayne scored eight nominations, while Ne-Yo, Jay-Z and Kayne West took six each, which, for the Grammy's, is about as risky as a soy milk latte.

In a world that houses tons of really cool music that is more accessible than ever through iTunes, YouTube and social networking sights, it blows me away that the Grammy's continue to be so damn hum-drum.

One silver lining is Coldplay scooped seven nominations for a near perfectly produced Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends. it was one of my favorite one-to-last-track offerings of 2008.

One glaring you gotta be kidding me Grammy snub went to Ben Folds and Regina Spector. Their collaborative You Don't Know Me was passed over in the category of Best Pop Collaboration, in favor of the Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks ballad, No Air. Brutal.

Nice to see that the Grammy's found a way not to nominate Aerosmith for anything. Those dinosaurs haven't uttered a fresh note in eons, however every year they seem to be nominated for something.

They'll probably be there though, accepting some sort of lifetime underachievement award.

Guilty Pleasure

It's first down and a long nine to go for O.J. Simpson.

The Juice will spend a minimum incarceration of nine years, as punishment for his audaciously haphazard gangsta sting operation last year in Las Vegas. He could spend a maximum full sentence of 33-years in prison.

Before his sentencing, Simpson droned the court with a muttering and fragmented emotional apology, while choking back intermittent tears along the way.

It was awesome.

District Court judge Jackie Glass was unmoved, however, and threw the long overdue book at Simpson.

Angels are singing.

My Beard At One Week

I'm going absolutely insane. I can't stop scratching my neck, just to the right of my Adam's apple (my right), because it itches so damn bad. It's now been a week since my last shave and I'm beginning to appear downright dreadful on the way towards my Christmas beard.

McQ (my 14-year-old daughter) responded in sheer horror when she discovered my plan last week. To no surprise, with a potential beard I managed to find a way to be an even bigger embarrassment to her. For this, I take immense - albeit a bit guilty - pride.

Baby Fischer is approaching eleven months now and he's ripe for his first Christmas. I figured the beard would offer an auspicious sort of Chris Kringle flare to his first yuletide.

It looks as though I'll just end up resembling the redheaded bearded guy from that early 90's show, ThirtySomething.

Ugh.

Come to think of it, a formidable Charles Manson looking beard might come in handy. After all, McQ will be dating sooner than later. The look might come in handy.

Georgia Senate Race

Nobody worth their political soothsaying salt could have honestly thought that a Georgian Republican named Saxby Chambliss would actually lose this election.

Saxby just sounds like a name that comes neatly wrapped in a confederate flag that's been dipped in righteous indignation.

Having Chambliss remain in the Senate could be a blessing for Democrats. Saxby will continue to do his best to pander to the shout-out-louds on the evangelical right. The compromising of individual liberties for the sake of the ever subjective values rants on the right have been the wooden leg of the watered down Republican brand for quite some time, or at least since 1994.

Which all started with another Georgian named Newt.

Merry Chrismukkah From The White House

You know, in a sad and ironic way I'm going to miss President Bush. The man has a gift of gaffe that makes Joe Biden look rhetorically poised.

The White House mailed invitations to American Jewish Leaders for an upcoming Hanukkah celebration with the President and First Lady, requesting "the pleasure of your company at a Hanukkah reception".

Sweet sentiments, indeed. The issue here, however, is the picture on the front of the card.

It was a Christmas card, complete with an image of a Clydesdale horse-drawn cart carrying a Christmas tree, and a Christmas wreath-adorned White House in the background.

I wonder if Santa Claus will appear at the party to light the Menorah and serve up fried latkes.

Oye vey.

Of Dietary Regret

Normally I'm a pretty healthy eater and consider myself someone that is in tune with keeping fit. The past few days, however, I've succumb to Thanksgiving leftovers and have been binging like a teenage meth whore. The weirdest thing is that these hunger pangs and sweet toothed cravings arrive during the middle of the night.

I think I'm a sleep eater.

Take last night, for example. Between the wee hours of 1:00 and 3:30 I managed to consume one piece of cheesecake, one slice of pumpkin pie (with whip cream), two sugar cookies, three chocolate truffles and an English muffin topped with butter and honey (not a leftover, lest you think English muffins are on the Fischer turkey day menu).

Ugh.

If I keep up this pace of dietary indiscretions, I'll be having another muffin. A huge muffin top, that is.

On my waist.

Catch A Falling Star

What a year of contrasts some creatures can have.

In January, Plaxico Burress caught the winning pass in the Super Bowl for the New York Giants. Then, in an epic display worthy of a mighty fallen subject of a Greek tragedy, Plaxico did a face plant to rock bottom last night, when he managed to shoot himself in the thigh - with his own gun - at a Manhattan nightclub.

It doesn't get much dumber than that.

Ball Bearings That Paid Off

I pause from my meanderings through mid-life as a hard charging member of corporate America, to throw major props to the Spungen family of Waukegan, Illinois.

Laurence and Florence Spunger were third generation owners of Peer Bearing Co., a ball bearing manufacturer. They recently sold their family owned company to a Swedish corporation, making this Thanksgiving a bittersweet one for the 230 employees of Peer Bearing.

Maintaining tradition, each employee received a turkey from the Spungens for their final Thanksgiving together. They also got a little stuffing with their bird.

6.6 million dollars.

The Spungen family chose to share their windfall of the company sale with their employees as a final sendoff of gratitude. Bonuses were determined by tenure with the company, yielding veteran laborers well in excess of $30,000.

Such a gesture is entirely unheard of in our current world of Wall Street corporate merge and acquisition, where loyalty given to the company is rarely recognized or returned.

Black Friday

Black Friday has arrived and our nation full of insufficient funds and over-extended credit are finding a way to consume and drive our fledgling economy.

Or at least kick a few tires.

It's a common misnomer the media feeds us that today is the busiest shopping day of the year. Today is, in fact, historically not even in the top four shopping days of the year.

The biggest rush of retail excess is the last Saturday before Christmas. When the calendar delivers Christmas on a weekend, then the rush is on December 23rd.

That's when I'll be doing my shopping. Along with a slew of other frenzied fathers and husbands.

It's retails Procrastination Day.

Happy Thanksgiving

Gratitude and humility are never exclusive to each other. It's shown in both spirit and deed. Make a plan to share a bit of yourself and fill the emotional bank accounts of those that surround you.

Enjoy the day.

Iowa Cougar Caught In Metrodome Bathroom

A curious subplot was buried deep in the headlines of the University of Minnesota's 55-0 gridiron drubbing at the hands of the Iowa Hawkeyes last Saturday.

While the Hawkeyes were manhandling the Golden Gophers, an Iowa cougar was pouncing on her prey.

Lois K. Feldman, 38, married mother of three, and Ross M. Walsh, 26, unsuspecting former Abercrombie model (just a profiled guess on my part), were arrested for having relations in the handicap stall of a Metrodome men's restroom, with a cheering gaggle of onlookers rootin' them on.

This marks a new low in Golden Gopher football. The game on the field is now ancillary to the rough-and-tumble action goings on in the bathroom stalls.

Ricky Ricardo comes to mind, in both word and dialect.

"Lois, shew got sum 'splainin to do!"

Wall Street Thinks That Yes, We Can

The Dow has surged in recent trading, posting its largest two day percentage gain since October of 1987. All indications are that today will be another big day for bulls on Wall Street, as the markets are off and running in early trading.

This market confidence comes on the heels of President-Elect Obama beginning to take charge early by naming key members of his economic team. Of course, the weekend announcement of the government bailout of Citigroup contributed to the rally as well.

This is also a welcome respite for news readers. With every positive day in the trading pit, we're spared more pictures of anguished traders burying their head in their hands with full mellow-dramatic despair. Sadly, those images now render little emotional impact because they're so common and cliche.

It's nice to see Obama stepping up with authority. Watching President Bush take a knee with two months to go has been a pretty pathetic sight to witness.

Hanninsanity And Colmes Break Up

Fox News' BFF's Sean Hanninsanity and Alan "Sleestack" Colmes are parting ways, marking the end of a steamy - yet grossly contrived - romance after twelve years.

Apparently it took Colmes over a decade to realize that he was only on board with Fox so the network could lay claim to being fair and balanced.

Ever the easy mark, Colmes was routinely a passive observer on the program and was often seen as a muttering and inarticulate debater, or fool, as it were. He came off as a weak milquetoast next to the hyper-kinetic mania of Hanninsanity.

Don't look for Fox to replace Colmes with another liberal puppet any time soon. Nobody else would want the job of punchline to Hanninsanity.

Well, Rosie might.

Daily Irony; Joe Lieberman On Meet The Press

I've finally picked my jaw off the floor after hearing something Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman told Tom Brokaw on Meet The Press this morning.

Lieberman told Brokaw, with an entirely straight face, that he informed the Democratic Senate Caucus that he supports President-Elect Barack Obama because he feels that Obama is committed to "putting country first".

Now that's one short memory at the political crossroads of irony and hypocrisy.

Forty-Five Years Ago Today

President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas on this day in 1963. Here are his final public words, spoken at a breakfast meeting for the Fort Worth Chamber of Commerce on the morning of that dark day in our nations history.

...I am confident, as I look to the future, that our chances for security, our chances for peace, are better than they have been in the past. And the reason is because we are stronger. And with that strength is a determination to not only maintain the peace, but also the vital interests of the United States. To that great cause, Texas and the United States are committed. Thank you.

Less than five hours later, our President was gone.

Daily Irony; Fargo's Slaughterhouse

Alaska Governor Sarah Fargo is the gift that just keeps on giving.

In the annual politicians photo-op of a Thanksgiving turkey pardoning, Fargo issued her sparing of the apocalypse to one lucky bird at the same time another turkey was being slaughtered in the background of the television interview she was giving.

Delicious irony served with mashed potatoes and yam.

Speaking of turkey pardoning; still no word out of Washington whether or not President Bush will pardon Dick Cheney.

Or himself, for that matter.

Gobble.

Daily Irony; Perception Is Reality

Big three auto industry CEO's scrambled to Washington yesterday with arms fully extended, begging for a handout.

They arrived separately on private jets.

In Miami, a teenage girl lived without a heart for four months while she and her cardiology team waited for a biologically compatible donor heart to surface.

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney endures with a Pacemaker that may never run out of batteries.

God, help us.

Cheney And A-Gon Gangstah

A Texas judge has issued a Friday arraignment for Vice President Dick Cheney, former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and several other nare-do-wells named in indictments that accuse them of responsibility for prisoner abuse in a federal detention center.

The only irony from the musings is that this news is not the least bit shocking.

Darth Vader, prepare for your final act.

Lieberman Should Be A Happy Hound

Barack Obama appears to be forging ahead with sounds of a changed Capital Hill tenor that has spilled over from his campaign. He issued his first let the word go forth that the torch has been passed moment, by keeping the mighty Beltway negative political axe buried to save Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman's Democratic soul.

It was widely anticipated that the Democratic leadership would strip Lieberman of his position as head of the Homeland Security Committee, as punishment for say-it-ain't-so-Joe's enthusiastic and very public endorsement of John McCain for President.

Mumblings from the hill were that Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid were ready to bend Joe over and spank the independence out of him.

The consequence for Lieberman, however, was a quiet no-harm-no-foul dismissal. This direction was ordered by the President-Elect.

Who knew there was a high road in D.C.?

Bailout? Take A Number And Stand In Line

I'm hard pressed to think of many major business industries that aren't asking to be bailed out by the government these days.

Banks, insurance companies and automakers are the ones at the top of the list.

Who's next?

College Football Is A Joke

There was some exciting college football played this weekend. We're well into the November rivalry games from coast-to-coast, where storied border battles are settled on the gridiron with a winner-take-the-weird-trophy competitive spirit.

In Madison, Wisconsin, the Badgers rallied from a two touchdown deficit to beat Minnesota for bragging rights of Paul Bunyan's axe.

It sure would be nice if the NCAA would let their championship be decided by implementing a playoff structure where teams would actually play each other to determine the best team in the country at seasons end.

Half of every Saturday we witness high-def rhetorical speculation over the national rankings of college football, where teams are - via sports writers opinions, coaches feelings and a stats geeks computer program - ranked from one to twenty-five in a fight to be one of the top two ranked teams at seasons and win the lottery of subjective opinion to play in the national championship game.

What a joke.

It's time to implement a college football playoff system so we can finally determine a champion on the field.

Detractors of a playoff format continue to drone about preserving the integrity of the bowl system. Talk about irony. Where's the integrity in not letting the players decide which two teams can play for the title?

We can still maintain our tradition of nursing a new year hangover while watching bowl games with holiday dietary regret. It's simple, actually.

Let's take the top eight teams from the existing rankings system and match them in a seeding format in the current Bowl Championship Series (BCS, or BS in its current form). These teams will play in four bowl games on January 1st; The Rose Bowl, The Sugar Bowl, The Orange Bowl and The Fiesta Bowl. The results of those games will determine the final four teams that will play for college footballs championship.

The following weekend (with a minimum seven days to rest and prepare for the next game) the semi-finals will be played, amounting to a football fans crack binge by having the games coincide with the NFL conference championship games.

The ensuing weekend (after the semi-final games) will be college footballs championship game. The game would be played during the weekend before the Super Bowl.

All of this adds two weeks to the existing college football season and doesn't detract from the student athletes (huh, what's that?) class schedule, as the majority of BCS schools are adjourned for winter break until spring semester begins.

What I describe will never happen though, as logic and common sense are nearly always lost on the NCAA.

Until things do change though, both players and fans of college football will continue to be screwed.

I've Got No Game

My game is officially lost and my rhetorical mojo is toast. Any free flowing and carefree conversation I've ever had with a girl is now long forgotten, along with my confidence to do so.

You see, I have a 14-year-old daughter. I have never, ever (ever!) felt so uncool, nor have I been reminded just how monumentally uncool I am, than when I'm with my baby girl.

Friends tell me that this will all succumb to the law of Shakespeare; this too shall pass.

Not soon enough, I can assure you.

Let the word go forth to the god of gender irony that I am eternally humbled.

Government Bails Out Santa Claus

The news arrived amid a thick pile of bills and junk mail. My tax rebate check - err, my economic stimulus payment - came late for me because I had filed an extension on my 2007 tax filing.

Thanks to this redistribution of wealth, the government has bailed out the Fischer family Christmas (I do celebrate Christmas, despite what my less than subtle Jewish name suggests).

Fah-la-la-la-la.

Daily Perspective; Wealth Redistribution

The presidential election is now well in our collective rear view mirror and the resulting Obama mandate still fuels ample conservative cries and fears over the prospect of wealth redistribution.

Ironically, the entire premise of societal redistribution of wealth is nothing new and, in fact, was prominent in validating capitalism during the industrial revolution.

President Teddy Roosevelt was a staunch proponent of an accelerated tax structure, where the wealthiest pay a higher percentage of their gross earnings towards tax to keep the economy churning.

More recently, President Reagan endorsed a revised version of the earned income tax credit (EITC) that Congress originally passed in 1975, which rewards the poorest of Americans a heady tax refund for failing to earn a certain amount of money throughout the previous tax year.

History has proven that wealth redistribution plays an important role in advancing the viability of free market structures of capitalism.

Daily Irony; From Oppressed To The Oppressor

The election of Barack Obama as our next President signaled an end - albeit symbolic - to a large degree of African-American oppression.

During the same election, 70% of African-American voters in California voted in favor of Proposition 8, the ballot initiative to ban same sex marriage.

Proposition 8 passed and individual liberty took another bruising.

Veterans Day Pause

Today is the day we commemorate our ardent desire for peace, on behalf of the many that have answered the call to sacrifice themselves for our country.

232 years and counting, for freedom and liberty in the making.

Happy Veterans Day, Grandpa. Your white marker shines brighter than ever.

Welcome To The House That Slaves Built

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children,
black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God
Almighty, we are free at last!

-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Lazy Republican Voter Turnout Doomed McCain

The demographic numbers of voter turnout are in and the outcome may surprise you. Real Clear Politics (RCP) reports that the Republican voter rolls were downright anemic on Tuesday, a fact that should concern both Democrats and Republicans.

You see, in the aftermath of Tuesdays can of Obama whoop-ass, Democrats were ecstatic over anecdotal claims that the youth and black vote swept President elect Obama towards easy victory. This assertion is entirely without merit.

The only voting demographic that reported a measured increase in voting percentage over 2004 was the Latino vote, which turned out in massive droves to support Barack Obama (see Nevada, Colorado and New Mexico results). The vaunted youth vote increased by about one percentage and the black vote stayed the same.

One state where the black vote increased with some significance was North Carolina, which, along with a better than 90% polling support for Obama, painted North Carolina blue for the first time since 1976.

It's beyond me why Democrats put so much time and energy into the youth vote with such fervor. This 18-29 group of shout-out-louds continually fail to show up at the polls in the large numbers one would expect.

The Republican drubbing at the polls is really attributed to the hum-drum and lackadaisical yawn from their most ardent supporters. Voting numbers show that a large percentage of them took their ball and went home without even bothering to go to the polls and vote.

She'll Take Geography For No-Hundred, Alex

The McCain post mortem election carnage dissection is revealing even more mind numbing idiocy from Sarah Fargo.

According to an aide close to McCain, Fox News reported that Fargo had no idea that Africa was a continent, but rather a country in and of itself.

Now that's news to activate the gag reflex and make you barf a little bit in the back of your throat.

In addition, during Veep debate preparations, Fargo sought aides to learn which countries participated in the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA).

The answer? All three.

Fargo then pressed for further clarification.

All three, Sarah. Mexico, Canada and the United States of America.

Wow. I only wish I was making this up.

Happy Birthday, Reverend

Reverend Billy Graham is 90 today.

Graham stands alone as an evangelical leader that consistently practiced what he preached, while always staying high above our polarizing political fray.

Along his way, decades worth of indignant Christian hypocrites have weaved their preaching hate into the political fabric; Jim Baaker, Jerry Falwell, Ted Haggard and James Dobson are a small sampling of names that have cultivated what we know politically as the Christian Right, or flawed base of the Republican party.

Reverend Graham remains a living embodiment and answer to the rhetorical question posed on countless bumper stickers and t-shirts;

What would Jesus do?

I imagine whatever Billy would do.

Campaign Hangover

It suddenly occurs to me that I have no idea what to write about after months of election musings. Politicians make it way too easy to lampoon with their steady flow of irony inducing hypocrisy.

One day of writers block doesn't a blogger make.

Heck, maybe it does.

Yes, We Can?

It's all over but the mopping of sorrowful tears in Phoenix and joyful weepings in Chicago. As I type, John McCain is driving to Nebraska to abandon Sarah Fargo at an Omaha hospital, in accordance with the cornhusker states' safe-haven law.

What lies ahead is a heady agenda for Barack Obama.

President-Elect Barack Obama. A little kinder and more accurate title for a man that has been called many things during the past year.

First, he was naive and too inexperienced. When that bumper sticker failed to adhere, things took a decided turn towards the nasty.

He was called a radical Muslim.

He was dismissed as a celebrity.

He was called a terrorist.

He was called a Communist with Marxist leanings.

He was called a Socialist.

None of these monikers stuck, and along the way his campaign message was succinct, consistent and delivered in an assertive, smooth and confident fashion.

Barack Obama was called lots of things. In a few short months though, we can all agree on one thing to call him.

Mr. President.

Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow

The polling doors opened at 6:00 this morning at my desert oasis precinct, and my vote has now been cast.

The only voting irregularity I have to report is the massive overdose of cologne that the dude in front of me bathed in before heading to the polls. My guess is that such excess could only seethe from a McCain voter.

Predictably, my vote went for youth, inexperience, hope and the kind of smooth cool that combines both Sammy Davis, Jr. and Don Draper.

All of this after the other side exerted their best get out the fear effort on my journey to the voting booth, with emphatic assertions that my vote will purge me into a 50% tax level, Marxism will be taught in schools and women will nearly be forced into having abortions.

I only wish I was exaggerating in such ridiculous measures.

Hey, I guess my vote makes me a maverick.

Irony is delicious.

Early Indicators Will Come From Indiana

One more day to go and it's clear that this race is Barack Obama's to lose. Final polls show a Sunday surge in battleground states for Obama and his lead over John McCain in Pennsylvania holds steady at seven points.

We'll know early if Obama is going to win when the first returns are reported from Indiana. Polls in the Hoosier state close at 6:00PM and if Obama wins Indiana it will likely be a long night of blue waves crashing on the Republican party. Indiana is currently a toss up state that McCain leads and is polling at a two point advantage.

If McCain wins Indiana in a squeaker, we'll turn our attention to Virginia. If Obama wins Virginia, McCain would need a miracle of Our Lady of Palinesque proportions to pull off victory.

Let's say, my friends, that McCain fulfills his campaign promise of the Mac being back and wins Virginia. It will then come down to McCain needing to sweep six toss-up states, including Pennsylvania, in order to come out victorious.

Yes, polls have been wrong before. However, not in my lifetime have I witnessed a reversal of such a consistent polling advantage like Obama has.

Then again, we've only had white guys running for president in the past. With that said, all bets are off.

One Man That Can Elect John McCain

If John McCain wins this election by earning victory in Pennsylvania, one man can take full credit for ushering the Arizona Senator into the White House.

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter is the original Republican maverick. Specter has been keeping busy of late, canvassing Pennsylvaina to stump for his friend, John McCain.

Specter is an extremely popular political figure in Pennsylvania. Widely lamented as a RINO by the national Republican evangelical base for his moderate stance on social issues, Specter has maintained his heady grip of power in Washington as the 16th most senior member of the Senate by bringing results to his constituents since first being elected in 1980.

The tightening of poll numbers in Pennsylvania are not entirely the making of John McCain moving into the state three weeks ago, but rather it's attributed more to the steady barrage of Specter appearances in the state on McCain's behalf.

If McCain wins, Specter is likely to be offered a cabinet position in a McCain administration. My guess, however, is that he has too much gratitude towards his state and will continue to remain a force in the Republican minority Senate.

Auntie Is Illegal: That's All You've Got?

Well it appears our Shocktober campaign surprise has arrived one day late with a resounding and anti-climactic thud.

The AP reports that Senator Barack Obama's Kenyan Aunt has been living in Boston illegally. Obama quickly commented with a clarification that he was unaware of this.

This is the best October surprise that Obama opponents could come up with, and it is entirely irrelevant.

Ronald Reagan was elected for two terms with an openly gay son and the religious right didn't seem to mind.

Bill Clinton had a little brother that wore the most god-awful mullet and voters north of the Mason-Dixon line happily looked the other way.

Try as they may - and boy oh boy have they tried hard - Obama detractors simply can't penetrate the personal character and integrity of Barack Obama.

McCain Campaign Metaphor

During a rally yesterday in Defiance, Ohio, John McCain again invoked the story of Joe Handyman (Plumber). As an added bonus, McCain enthusiastically punctuated his remarks with a dramatic introduction of Joe to acknowledge his attendance at the rally.

“Joe’s with us today," McCain told an audience of about 6,000 people. "Joe where are you?

Insert crickets chirping here.

Where is Joe? Is Joe with us today?”

Insert awkward crowd chirping here.

"All right," he told the crowd. "Well, you’re all Joe the Plumbers, so all of you stand up!"

Insert oblivious McCain minions clapping for themselves for no apparent reason here.

Maybe McCain was getting Punk'd by his campaign staff. There is no other logical explanation for somebody - anybody - on his staff failing to confirm that Joe was in the audience.

As if this entire episode couldn't get any more absurd, we now know that the crowd was expected to be embarrassingly small. To fill the seats, all of the school children from the town of Defiance were excused from school and sent on a field trip to witness what amounted to improv day at the Senior Center.

I hope those kids got extra credit for their sacrifice.

What A Long Strange Trip It's Been

Daily Irony; Sarah Fargo The Socialist

"And Alaska we're set up, unlike other states in the union, where it's collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs. It's to maximize benefits for Alaskans, not an individual company, not some multinational somewhere, but for Alaskans". - Alaska Governor Sarah Fargo

McCain Replaced By McCain Talking Bobblehead

My friends, I have reason to believe that John McCain has been replaced on the campaign trail by a John McCain talking bobblehead doll.

There is a button at the base of the doll that is conspicuously hidden behind the podium. There, a McCain campaign volunteer diligently presses a button in repetitive sequence to play pre-recorded stump spin from Senator McCain.

1st press: My friends, I'm a maverick.

2nd press: My friends, we don't need a redistributor of your money.

3rd press: My friends, I will change Warshington.

4th press: My friends, I'm a maverick.

I miss John McCain.

I miss the McCain that was an honest maverick before he felt compelled to keep telling us all over and over (and over) that he is a maverick.

That's the John McCain that I voted for as my Senator in 2004.

Oh Brother; An Indicator Of A McCain Victory

If you're looking for a sign that John McCain will win next Tuesday, we may have found one in the historically tested Presidential crazy brother barometer.

McCain's little brother Joe had an emergency on a Virginia freeway last week and dialed 911 in a desperate call for help.

Operator: 911, state your emergency.

Joe McCain: Well, it's not an emergency, but do you know why on one side at the damn drawbridge of 95 traffic is stopped for 15 minutes and yet traffic's coming the other way?

Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about traffic?

Joe McCain: Ahhh, fuck you!

This is a troubling sign for the Obama campaign. Recent history shows that the electorate votes favorably for the candidate that carries the baggage of an obnoxious brother.

Billy Carter, the man that put the goob in goober, contributed watered down beer and the potential of daily embarrassment to his brother, President Jimmy Carter.

Then there is Roger Clinton, a man that still holds the honor of best political family mullet. Roger reminded us that you can take the boy out of Arkansas, but you can't take the Arkansas out of the boy.

Watch those polls this week. We may just see a Joe McCain bump.

John McCain On Meet The Press

John McCain visited Tom Brokaw on Meet The Press this morning, a usually comfortable venue for the Arizona Senator.

Today, however, McCain looked tired and scatter-brained. He continually grasped for vernacular that should be well honed stump rhetoric at this point in the campaign. 

When the subject of Sarah Fargo came up, McCain repeated his drone about how "proud" he is of her. When McCain talks about Fargo it sounds as though he's referring to his daughter and not a potential Vice President. All he can say is that he's so damn proud.

McCain also reminded us he's a maverick. For a guy that is such a maverick though, he sure spends a heckuva lot of time telling he is one. 

The great irony of John McCain is that he now blames his campaign failures on the same media that adored him to such nauseatingly elite levels in the past, which garnered sheer disdain from fellow Republicans.

I understand though.

He's a maverick.

Rainy Day In Waikiki

Mrs. Fischer is laid up with a gnarly fit of food poisoning today, so the trade winds gift of a steady rain is a welcome companion to our day filled with napping and ginger ale runs.

Wikki-Wikki - look out you might step in something sticky - is more commercialized than ever, however every so often I can still catch a glimpse of the Blue Hawaii that Elvis pined for.

Waikiki is a bit like the Las Vegas strip, Tokyo and Fast Times at Ridgemont High all rolled in to one fat smokin' bit of paradise. I'm loathe to the entire scene, actually, and prefer the more tranquil and staid island living in Maui.

Oh well, another trip at another time.

Aloha.

Still Waiting For Conservatives To Conserve

Looking back it's clear that the conservative movement crusaded by Barry Goldwater - and bequeathed to Ronald Reagan - was flushed in 1994, when Newt Gingrich and a new wave of evangelical Republicans began prioritizing legislation of morality over all else.

Along the way the Republican brand has been mired in dichotomy and overt disarray. The preservation of individual liberty and less government now exist only as vacant rhetoric, hidden deep in the pages of the party platform.

Deficit spending and foreign currency borrowing have never been higher. Climate change continues to be ignored and freedom just isn't free, unless an individuals moral compass is directed towards James Dobson.

At the crossroad of irony and oxymoron, there is ample reality that shows conservatives simply aren't conservatives, since they have failed to conserve in every promised measure.

Aloha

Morning came early today, as I'm gettin' set to jet with Mrs. Fischer to Hawai'i to visit Barack Obama's grandmother.

Actually, our much anticipated and long awaited vacation has finally arrived. Grandma J has commandeered Casa la Fischer and she'll be minding baby Fischer for the next five days.

I'll do my best to scoop an interview with Obama while we're there. Maybe we can discuss which A.D.D. medication is best to prescribe for Joe Biden.

Time permitting, we'll even hit the beach in front of the Royal Hawaiian hotel where John McCain fell smitten to young Cindy Lou Hensley, while McCain's wife Carol was tending to the family on the mainland.

Aloha.

God Endorses McCain

GOP Vice Presidential heart-throb Sarah Fargo met with Focus On The Family founder James Dobson (known to Dobson, himself, as Dr. James Dobson) and they both agree that God will make it all good for our country on November 4th when John McCain is elected.

For the unfamiliar, Focus On The Family is an organization where hypocrites go to judge others in one big, group hug.

Dobson asked Fargo if she was worried about the sagging poll numbers that show McCain losing the election in nearly every possible electorate scenario.

"Not discouraged at all", Fargo said.

“To me, it motivates us, makes us work that much harder,” she told Dobson. “And it also strengthens my faith because I know at the end of the day putting this in God’s hands, the right thing for America will be done, at the end of the day on Nov. 4.”

Now that's a half full, tall glass of divine optimism.

Or self-righteousness?

God help us all.

Campaign Finance And Obama Shame

I feel sorry for John McCain.

Not for his dismal and his ever schizophrenic campaign strategy though. My pity for McCain is due to the fact that he simply can't compete with Barack Obama for simple financial reasons.

Early in the campaign process, both candidates agreed to participate in public campaign financing, which would create a level spending playing field through limits on private fundraising that would then be rewarded with a portion of matching funds contributed through public financing.

John McCain maintained this commitment and pressed onward through public finance and the restrictions that come with it.

Barack Obama changed his mind and reversed his pledge. The outcome was a brilliant strategic move by the Obama camp, skilled in viral marketing and fundraising via the internet. Millions of people that have made .99-cent contributions have added, well, millions of dollars to Obama's fat campaign wallet. The result is Obama maintaining a four to one spending advantage during the final two weeks of the campaign.

It must be an uncomfortable reality for Obama. The fact is he offered a pledge that he should not have made and then danced a 180 reversal. This is shameful, at least in my book.

By the way, the book I refer to was written by my father.

In order to level the playing field, we need to have clean campaigns that require caps on financial contributions from the private sector that come with public matching funds.

In addition, PAC's and 527's need to be eliminated entirely from our political process. They do nothing to advance the cause of democracy and focus entirely on lies and distortions of truths to meet a very narrow agenda.

Politics is ugly. You can put lipstick on a pig but - uh, never mind.

Same Attack Message, Different Week

Pardon me while I yawn.

I'm having a really hard time keeping up with the McCain campaign message, which is long on Obama attacks and fleeting on solutions that McCain offers if elected.

First Obama was a celebrity. Polls held steady in favor of Obama.

Then it was that whole lipstick on a pig comment and the trumped up charge of sexism from the conservative media. Again, the polls were locked tight.

Next, Obama was a terrorist. A barrage of automated phone calls were dialed by the McCain camp to swing state voters that warned of the impending doom our country will face if Obama was elected. Polls then showed movement. In favor of Obama.

This week Obama is a Socialist, at least according to Joe Handyman (formerly known as Joe Plumber). I've seen Handyman's stump speech and it's clearly evident that his spin is hijacked from talk hate-ee-oh and Sean Hanninsanity. The polls aren't budging.

Things are looking so grim for McCain that, with two weeks to go until the election, one electoral map now has the state of Arizona moved from safe McCain to leaning McCain.

Meanwhile, McCain and Sarah Fargo are busy spinning their wheels in states that they should have locked down months ago. Colorado, Missouri and North Carolina are red state bellwethers that are now rendered tossups.

Next to John Kerry in 2004, McCain has run the most idiotic, scatter-brained, fragmented, erratic and all together hyper-kinetic Presidential campaign I've seen in my lifetime.

Train wrecks are hard to watch. No matter how hard you try, you just can't look away.

Colin Powell Joins The Republicobamacan Ranks

Prominent Republicans are coming out in droves to publicly endorse Barack Obama for President.

Last week conservative commentators David Brooks, George Will and Christopher Buckley all went public with their support of Obama.

For Buckley, son of the late conservative icon William Buckley, his bittersweet nod to Obama came with an asterisk of apology to his deceased father.

Earlier today Colin Powell announced his endorsement of Obama.

This conservative bandwagon with the Obama sign painted on the side is getting pretty crowded.

It appears that the Obama Republicans will be a factor in this election, as the Reagan Democrats were in 1980.

Think Of Palin And Pelosi In The White House

So I've been thinking. If John McCain is elected President there is a 23 percent chance that Sarah Palin will become President.

My source for this report is named mortality.

If this were to occur, our Constitution dictates that the Presidential order of succession elevate the Speaker of the House to the office of Vice President.

The current Speaker of the House is California Democrat Nancy Pelosi. However, under this scenario Pelosi could choose to step aside and decline the promotion, based on the electorate mandate of having elected a Republican ticket.

Just the thought of Sarah Palin and Nancy Pelosi in the same White House has all the trappings of a sitcom pilot. Hilarious hijinx, shenanigans and tomfoolery would ensue daily.

Now that's must see TV.

Third Verse, Same As The First

"I voted with the President over 90 percent of the time, higher than, uh, even a lot of my Republican colleagues."

- Senator John McCain

Joe The Not Actually A Plumber

There is breaking news out of Ohio this morning concerning the upcoming Presidential election.

Joe the Plumber remains an undecided voter. Heck, he's too busy trying to find the time to obtain an Ohio plumbing license to even think about the election. That's right, Joe the Plumber isn't even a plumber.

On a related note, Joe the Plumber has hired an agent to negotiate a book deal, sitcom pilot and guest spots on The View and Oprah.

It could happen.

I Smell A Rove; Must Be Time For Push Polling

Hello?

caller: Hello, I'm calling from the Mothers Independent League of Freedom and we're conducting a brief survey about the upcoming Presidential election. May I ask you a question?

Who are you with?

caller: Mothers Independent League of Freedom.

You mean MILF? That's awesome!

caller: I know, we hear that all the time. When we started we thought we had a clever acronym to use, however we had no idea it already been taken. At any rate, may I ask you just one question about the upcoming Presidential election.

Sure.

caller: If you learned that Barack Obama was the illegitimate black child of John McCain, would you be more of less likely to vote for John McCain?

Really? Well, I'd be more likely to vote for John McCain.

caller: Thank you. Have a nice day.

-----------------------------

Push polling does work. Good thing for McCain that he brought Karl Rove and his band of rogues on board to rally the McCain campaign. Buckle up for an ugly sprint towards a battered and bruised finish.

Electoral College Looking Good For Obama

With three weeks left until election day, here's a small glimpse of how desperate matters are looking for John McCain.

Todd Palin spent part of his weekend campaigning for McCain in Maine.

Maine!

By state electorate law, Maine has the option of splitting the electoral vote based on percentage of votes cast for candidates in individual counties. Rare occurrence, yes, however worth a shot for McCain to fire up the base by bringing in the First Dude of Alaska to speak to about seventy-five Maine voters.

The rally had the look of Todd Palin warming up for Senior Bingo Night, followed by a few songs from Spinal Tap and the leading act, Puppet Show.

Then there's North Carolina. The mere fact that political soothsayers are still calling North Carolina up for grabs is astounding. Not since Jimmy Carter in 1976 have the Democrats been able to even sniff victory in this state.

McCain will rally, as he always does. Carter was leading in a few polls by nearly 30-points a month before his election in '76, and he ended up winning by the smallest of peanuts.

Let's Make Voting Mandatory By Law

As the cliche goes, even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in awhile.

Sean Hanninsanity can't stop talking about one ACORN in particular.

Cutting through the hyperbole, let's consider the facts. Despite how this ACORN alleged corruption looks, the practical execution of these conspirator accusations are nearly impossible.

ACORN is accused of registering voters in in multiplicity, using different names and polling districts. On election day, however, these registered voters will need to appear at a polling precinct to cast a vote by showing identification. I find it hard to believe that massive ID fraud is at the root of ACORN.

So let's just cut through all this muck and implement a law that requires us all to vote. Australia has one and their voter turnout is better than 95%.

A mandatory voter law would prevent the perceived need for groups like ACORN.

Then we can focus on eliminating PAC's and 527's.

Wishful thinking.

McCain's Vote To Support Terrorism

The word terrorist has been screamed in a near Tourette like frenzy at recent John McCain rallies, usually following the candidates mentioning of Barack Obama.

Ironically though, John McCain has a voting record that equates to being a terrorist sympathizer.

I'll explain in a moment, however let's first look at the literal definition of the word terrorist, courtesy of dictionary.com.

terrorist: noun - a radical who employs terror as a political weapon; usually organizes with other terrorists in small cells; often uses religion as a cover for terrorist activities

Agreed?

In 1994 the Senate introduced a bill called the Freedom Of Access To Clinic Entrances Act. Put simply, the bill would make it a Federal crime to commit the terrorist act of murder at a medical clinic that performs legal abortions.

The Senate passed the measure 69-30 (Alabama Senator Richard Shelby did not cast a vote) in a unanimous roll call vote and was eventually signed into law by President Clinton.

Arizona Senator John McCain voted nay.

McCain Endorses Obama For President

In a stunning reversal of his prior cantankerous rhetoric, Senator John McCain acknowledged his affinity for Barack Obama during a McCain rally in Minnesota yesterday, and offered what appears to be an endorsement Obama's bid to be elected President.

Calling Obama a "decent, family man", McCain declared that Obama is a "person that you do not have to be scared of as President of the United States".

We'll see how long this civility lasts. My guess is that McCain will succumb to an imminent fall in to an Ohio or Pennsylvania gutter today.

My Friends, Who Is Sarah Palin?

Sarah (Palin) Fargo says she wants to go to Washington to lay her stamp of folksy integrity on corrupt politicians.

Takes one to know one, I guess.

A bi-partisan state panel in Alaska found that Fargo committed no crimes in Troopergate, however abused her power in an egregious violation of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act.

Fargo is toast. I can't recall ever seeing a more fleeting falling star in a political arena filled with bruised stars. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if she was off the ticket by the end of the weekend and replaced by Mitt Romney.

Then maybe McCain will start talking about the economy.

A Debate And The Reality Of Perception

I watched the second Presidential debate twice late Tuesday night. My assessment after the first viewing was that both candidates were effective in their messages and that this debate wouldn't alter the final months campaign canvas a bit.

However, it was during my repeat viewing when I recognized just how bad Obama crushed McCain.

The reason? I muted the television during the second go round.

Without sound, Obama gracefully glided through the audience and looked ever the calm and, dare I say, Presidential. McCain, however, appeared nervous and even lost at times, like a crazy old guy that mutters at the breeze.

In an era where Presidential politics have been reduced to an American Idol like contest (hurry, text your debate winner now!), the silence may actually speak ultimate doom for Senator McCain.

One more debate to go.

Maybe Ryan Seacrest can be the moderator.

Sean Hanninsanity Is Schooled On His Own Show

I'm so happy that I watch Fox News from time to time. To think what I would have missed.

Hannity(!) and Hannity(!) host, Sean Hannity, was on the receiving end of a healthy dose of irony from Obama campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs.

No blog post can give this episode its proper due, so you'll have to labor your fingers to YouTube and find it yourself. Or, just click the headline to this post and you'll get there with my help. Hilarious.

Sean Hannity gives journalism a very bad name.

And these days, that's actually an insult.

It's The Economy, McStupid

Less than a year ago, Senator John McCain was candid in his assessment about the United States economy.

"I'm gonna be honest. I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated".

About a month later, McCain was still looking for help.

"The issue of economics is not something I've understood as well as I should".

Looking back, it now appears that McCain was issuing a desperate cry for help.

There is good news though, as McCain is now stumping that he is best poised to steer our stagnant economy back towards prosperity. Maybe he's been burying his head in some business learnin' books.

"I know how to fix this current economic crisis, and I will do it my friends".

I wonder if McCain felt as awkward saying that as I did typing it. Or you did reading it, for that matter.

Ben Folds Is Back To Cynical On Way To Normal

It's been nearly a decade since Ben Folds bolted solo from his band Ben Folds Five, a group that harbored an original indie rock sound that Folds once described as "punk rock for pussies".

Folds' new release, Way to Normal, is on the shelves and worthy of a complete download for fans. Full of his trademark sarcastic and whimsical lyrical prose, Folds hammers the piano keys with an expected dose of attention deficient abandon that punctuates his mid-life cynicism.

Download Free Coffee and Bitch Went Nuts, and listen to them in that order. The final 59 seconds of Free Coffee presents a hilarious introduction to Bitch Went Nuts.

Good stuff.

Read Her Lipstick; Gloves Off & Heels On Tight

Governor Fargo has set the tone for an even nastier turn in the Presidential campaign, accusing Senator Obama of "palling around with terrorists".

Fargo is referring to loose, coincidental ties that Obama has with 60's radical William Ayers, something that Obama put to bed months ago on the primary campaign train.

"This is a guy who lives in my neighborhood … the notion that somehow as a consequence of me knowing somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago — when I was 8 years old — somehow reflects on me and my values doesn't make much sense."

Ayers and Obama worked with the non-profit Chicago Annenberg Challenge on a huge school improvement project that helped a myriad of Chicago children. They were both members of the groups board.

Hardly palling around.

Watching Fargo whore her hateful rhetoric is predictable, albeit surreal. Insinuating that Barack Obama harbors domestic terrorists is an absolute ridiculous assertion.

Ultimate condescension, however, is reserved for us voters though, as McCain waited until a month before the election to unleash Fargo with the news that our next President may be a terrorist.

Old news rehashed, re-spun, regurgitated and barfed at us in Hi-Definition.

The smell is awful.

O.J. Simpson; Guilty Of Murder At Last

Thirteen years ago to the day.

Then, O.J. Simpson was found not guilty of murdering Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman. A star-struck jury determined that the one in one hundred billion chance of a positive Simpson DNA match at the crime scene being incorrect was more than enough "reefanable douft" (quotations directly from an O.J. trial juror, I can assure you) to acquit Simpson.

Since then, while Simpson scoured the worlds golf courses in desperate vain to find the real killers, he managed to take some time to lead some rather unsavory criminal shenanigans in Las Vegas.

Now, what was likely another impartial jury handed Simpson a conviction for a different crime.

In my reality though, Simpson was handed his long overdue guilty verdict for murder.

Simpson was convicted of kidnapping, armed robbery and a slew of other charges for organizing a sports memorabilia sting at a hotel-casino in Las Vegas last year. December sentencing could yield life in jail for Simpson.

Poetic justice served.

Debate Musings

With an ah-shucks-doggone-it-yah-you-betcha, Sarah Fargo held her own during last nights Vice Presidential debate.

I've gotta say though, it was a little awkward watching the debate along side Mrs. Fischer, since Fargo kept winking at me all night. She totally digs me.

Biden stuck to his strategy of going directly after John McCain and not tether the fine line of appearing the bully toward the Governor. When Fargo spoke, however, Biden managed to strike an eerie resemblance to a creepy old guy that sits alone at the corner of a bar and gazes with a smitten wide smile at the cute young lady across the room.

Fact checks have yielded copious fabrications and distortions from each side, so we'll render this debate as nothing more than a give-and-take of stump speech regurgitation.

My favorite moment of irony was when Fargo asserted that our brilliant founding fathers had the foresight to submit flexibility in the constitution in regard to executive powers of the Vice President.

Gulp.

The Republican mantra when it comes to the constitution has long been that it is an absolute document that isn't open to interpretation. This is why conservatives often lament activist judges, at least when the liberal media can't be blamed. Conservative judges are referred to as constitutional constructionists.

Both candidates were on their game, with Biden elevating himself with a bit more substance because he chose to actually answer the questions.

As for Fargo?

;)

I Guess Pictures Do Say A Thousand Words

Miss Alaska 1984 Finalist Preps For Debate

Sarah Palin has been sequestered in the Sedona home (1 of his 9, 10, or maybe 11 homes) of John McCain, cramming for a pretty big test she has tomorrow night.

Palin is a child pageant pretty that has executive experience in handling the pressures of intellectually extemporaneous banter. My prediction is she'll do fine.

At least by Lauren Caitlin Upton standards.

Ring a bell?

Upton is the Miss Teen USA contestant from South Carolina that barfed the following answer to a heady pageant brain buster question.

Question: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?

Lauren Caitlin Upton: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

Let's surmise how Palin might handle the same question.

Question: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Sarah Palin: I personally believe that Americans are unable to do so because - OH - the key is job creation to shore up our economy because I believe that our education like such as when Putin rears his head it's, like, where does he go? He goes to Alaska and it's where here we send us to protect us so we should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries because I have executive experience so we can shore up the economy with job creation for the future of our children that don't have maps."

Meanwhile at Joe Biden's debate camp, Biden should be given one simple instruction.

Don't say a word all night. And for Biden, this is easier said than done. Except for, perhaps, paying homage to the late Texas Senator Lloyd Bentsen; "Governor, I know about Lauren Upton. Lauren Upton looks like the granddaughter of a friend of mine. Believe me, Governor, you're no Lauren Upton."

Get ready, liberal media. You'll be the one to blame if Palin fails to exceed the lowest expectations that any debate candidate has ever had.